Terrible mother Susan returns from…I don’t know. Someplace at least 5 minutes away. More than 5 minutes, actually. When we see Susan driving, she is literally (yes, for real literally) in the middle of nowhere. Because this is California, I will assume it took her at least 35 minutes to get home from wherever. So why has Susan come all this way?
We won’t find out until Susan screams “Tina” a few times before she gets inside the house. Now we’re in a hurry, film? You can’t wait the 5 seconds for Susan to get in the house? Remember how you just wasted three minutes of our time showing a car driving with no context or dialogue? Do you remember that, film?
Luckily, Tina is inside the house. She’s just taking the cheese puffs out of the oven because mom runs a catering company and forces her children to do the cooking. Terrible mother Susan.
Susan was with the investors serving breakfast. And now she’s back for more food. Economically speaking, it makes a lot of sense to drive 35 minutes each way to get the food you(’re children) cooked at your home and bring it back between meals.
Now let’s remember, Susan isn’t meeting with investors. She’s hitching her star to a toy company that is meeting with investors. If the investors put money into the toy company, that means big catering money from the toy company. I didn’t really need to explain that. We all know the big catering budget most toy companies have. It’s common knowledge that their catering needs can keep a single parent household afloat.
This scene is so goddamn insane! The cheese puffs, which will be mentioned 100 more times throughout the movie, are “top notch” in Susan’s opinion. Quality ingredients and such. In fact, Susan is “losing money on those cheese puffs.” Losing. Money. On. Cheese. Puffs.
“You have to spen-d money to make money,” Susan follows. To which Tina, the smartest dumb person in the film, says, “To MAYBE make money.” Losing money on cheese puffs. That’s like losing money by spitting on a fire hydrant. You don’t. It doesn’t make sense. None of this makes a lick of sense.
Here is my big question. Is the toy company not paying Susan? Is her payment the chance of catering for them if they get investors? That’s what it seems like. I’m not saying Susan doesn’t deserve to be treated poorly. She does. But that’s a dick move, toy company.
Anywho, Susan tells Tina to stick around in case the investors have any special requests. Which is a normal thing to say. Personally, when I’m at a catered luncheon, I like to approach a caterer and gently whisper “Hey, how about you get your daughter to whip me up something special.” Win-win. Either you get a special treat or you get punched and then you can sue.
This stupid movie.
Continuing down the long and winding road that is A Talking Cat!?!, we cut away from Tina (who is in her room trying super hard to read) to a 20-second scenery shot. Then we cut all the way to the living room where Trent is sitting on the couch with a thousand-yard stare. Fixing a fence really changes a fella.
