God makes a brief cameo, to let us know it’s daytime. That means the Humphrey Bogart movie marathon is over. Thanks for the info, Lord! See you later!
Phil, who is retired because he is such a genius at websites, is up at the buttcrack of God to give himself a pep talk in the mirror. Remember, Phil talked to a talking cat (A Talking Cat!?!) last night. This is the least crazy thing he has done in the past five minutes.
This is the day Phil’s life is going to change! Finally! Because the singular day that he has been retired was a complete nightmare! He pet a cat, ordered a pizza, and watched some movies. Awful! Surprised he hasn’t put a gun to his head yet.
Phil tries to convince himself that he was randomly inspired to take a walk in the woods, with no outside intervention from a talking cat. Phil 2.0 (his words, not mine) is a big fat liar. Way to start your rebirth by lying to yourself. Give me a call when Phil 3.0 is ready for a test run.