A Talking Cat!?! - The Movie - The Blog

All about the movie A Talking Cat!?!

So Close, Yet So Far Away

Floor plan!?!

This picture is my rough guess at the house layout for terrible Tina, sour Susan, and tepid Trent. This main room contains three rooms in one! It’s a kitchen, a dining room, and a living room! It’s the Swiss Army knife of rooms! Sadly, all the knives are stuck out and can’t be retracted. Realistically, you can’t get more than 5 feet away from someone in this space. This is important to note.

We’re 34 minutes into A Talking Cat!?! and it already feels like we’ve been watching it for years. Trent is sitting on the couch (see floor plan) watching TV (see floor plan) when Tina comes sauntering into the room. “Hey loser,” she greats him, unprovoked. Did I mention that Susan, their inattentive mother, is standing less than 5 feet away from them in the kitchen? She is.

You stay dumb!?!

Susan quickly steps in to stop the callousness of her loin droppings. Just kidding. Susan ignores her bickering children completely.

Tina, always full of advice, recommends her brother “stay dumb.” She then states, rather loudly, that she is “off to the library” to work on something “because I’m smart and you’re not.”

Enough is enough! Susan flies across the room to put a stop to this sibling squabbling! Haha, I got you again! Susan didn’t do that at all! Instead, Susan turns around and asks Trent if Tina went to the library. You see, because Susan was all the way in the kitchen and didn’t hear what Tina said less than 5 seconds ago. This kitchen that is less than 5 feet away everything else in the house.

Out of character, Susan asks Trent if he is okay. I’m surprised Trent hears her because Susan is all the way behind the couch and Trent is on the couch. There must be miles between them. His hearing must be stellar.

And then Trent does what Trent does best. He pushes down his feelings and says he needs to go for a walk. Nice work, Trent. Don’t cry outloud. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings.

This is the second time Trent gets away from his mother with the old “gotta go for a walk” excuse. That is an excuse for someone in an unhappy marriage, not a teenager. There is a TV to be watched (see floor plan) and a couch to be sat on (see floor plan).

Next up? Trent talks to a talking cat. A talking cat!?!

imta:

IMTA and Barbizon of Orange County Alum Janis Peebles plays Tina in the cute family movie A Talking Cat!?! available in HD on Amazon Video and on iTunes! Janis competed at the IMTA in LA in 2011 where she won the major awards of Junior Talent of the Year, Fitness Model of the Year, and Most Sought After Talent with over 70 callbacks.

You might want to keep that credit a secret, International Modeling & Talent Association.

https://atalkingcat.com/2013/06/06/imta-imta-and-barbizon-of-orange-county-alum/

Xposition Xtravaganza

Trent The Liar!?!

First off, Trent turns out to be a big fat liar. He told his horrible mother Susan that he was going to go for a walk. So he left the inside couch to sit on the outside couch. I mean, technically he walked there. Trent’s logic does match up with Duffy’s “I can only talk to someone once” rules. Fine. Sorry, Trent. I take back my “liar” remark. But you’re on thin ice, bud.

Trent looks for understanding in the dead eyes of Duffy. When a stray cat is your confidant of choice, something is wrong at home. No matter how many times your mother reminds you that you’re a special boy. “What’s up with you, cat” starts Trent, to a cat he doesn’t know can talk.

A Talking Cat!?!

Then Duffy shits a black hole from his nose. This dreamless death hole opens up and tells Trent “I’m a TALKING cat,” like Trent is a dummy for not knowing that. Trent is a dummy, but not because he didn’t know a pitch black atrocity flower would blossom from a cat’s face and begin to speak.

Are you ready for the entire mysticism of this film to be vomited out in 25 seconds? Okay. Here is what Duffy says immediately after berating Trent for being thick.

“I can only talk to a person once. And there’s a collar my original owner gave me, buried under a grove of magical trees due north of here. It’s a big fallen tree and just through a thick hedge that looks like a fuzzy green wall. That collar is what lets me help people.”

This subtle foreshadowing caresses our brains like a hook used for mummification. You think they might need to find this buried magical collar later?

Hey, wait. Shouldn’t you be wearing a magical collar to make it work? If this magical collar has some sort of area effect, why aren’t there talking squirrels all over the woods? Also, you kind of glossed over your whole “original owner” thing. Did you murder them? Eh, it probably isn’t important.

Duffy uses his ability to “help people” to tell Trent he has a great imagination. Which is Trent’s big problem, I guess. Not his horrible family, or his twin sister. Twin sister? Man, how can this scene be so full of information when all the others have so little. Spread it out a little, screenwriter Andrew Helm!

This movie treats the words “imagination” and “ambition” as the same thing. Trent doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life, and this is because he can’t imagine what he wants to do with his life. Just look at the want ads! You don’t need imagination to find a career. It’s “what do you want to do,” not “what non-existent job do you want to make up and do?”

Duffy dumps some more logical leaps into the world by explaining that Trent has imagination because he is talking to a talking cat. I suppose I have imagination because I can use a can opener. Makes sense.

The cat leaves Trent with some advice he heard on TV and then is off. We don’t see Duffy leave, because the cat is a horrible actor and won’t do what he’s supposed to. So Trent gets to look around frantically for 5 seconds, implying that Duffy vanished into thin air. Whatever. Trent feels better about his imagination now.

One last note on this scene. The shot of Duffy talking is about .5 seconds long, and used over and over again. This cat is such a horrible actor they couldn’t get him to sit still for more than .5 seconds. So they slowed it down and stretched the .5 seconds out into 5 seconds. You can see a little bug flying in the lower left hand corner of this clip in slow motion again and again. Just use a still frame if it’s going to be terrible anyway!

What I’m try to say is, this movie is bad.