All about the movie A Talking Cat!?!
A riveting one sided conversation from A Talking Cat!?! Some dialogue removed, but nothing added. Seriously. This is a fantastic script.
https://atalkingcat.com/2013/02/23/a-riveting-one-sided-conversation-from-a-talking/
You have now been hypnotized.
https://atalkingcat.com/2013/02/24/you-have-now-been-hypnotized/
From @TheRealAlbrot, the A Talking Cat!?! cheese puffs supercut! All the instances of “cheese puffs” mentioned in the movie.
They’re mentioned quite a bit. You have to fill time somehow.
https://atalkingcat.com/2013/02/25/from-therealalbrot-the-a-talking-cat-cheese/
A Talking Cat!?! is made up of subplots tied together by other subplots. As the old adage goes, two subplots does not a full plot make. But maybe a whole mess of subplots will confuse people into thinking they watched something of substance.
Subplots are like edible packing peanuts. It’s neat to try one or two, but don’t eat a whole box of them. You’ll get sick.
Phil, who is newly retired, is going to try his hand at cooking. Surprise! Phil is no good at cooking! In fact, he sets off the smoke detector.
The smoke detector! Whole smokes! Phil’s son, Chris, springs into action! You see, unlike everyone else over 5 years old, Chris still thinks a smoke alarm means danger and not “someone left a little crud in the oven when making a pizza.” This is lucky for us, because we get to see Chris come all the way down the stairs from his room.
That’s a relief. I was beginning to worry about how Chris was going to get down from the upstairs.
Chris expresses his concern about this beeping fire whatzit, and Phil admits “I can’t make waffles” like a man finally coming up for air after holding his breath for the last forty years. They’ll have to get a new “waffle machine.” Now this waffle device could very well be motorized. But I’m pretty sure everyone else calls it a “waffle maker.” Then again, Phil is bad at cooking. And words.
It feels like we’ve been talking about waffles for all of 10 seconds! Time to change the subject to what Chris is wearing. A blue polo and chinos. That’s certainly an unusual style of dress that sticks out and deserves mentioning.
It turns out Frannie is coming over. ANY MINUTE! Certainly a cause for khakis. But Phil doesn’t know who Frannie is. Phil! Don’t you remember the conversation you had about Frannie? Let me remind you.
Chris said “what do you do when you like a girl?” And then a cat came by and distracted you both. How could you not remember that and that Frannie was never mentioned?
Since the house smells like waffles, Phil suggests Chris and Frannie meet by the pool. This “Phil is bad at cooking” subplot will lead us nicely into the “Frannie only wants to swim” subplot. Genius!
Obviously, Chris is embarrassed when Phil offers to bring them juice by the pool. Which causes Chris to retreat. But how will he get back upstairs? I hope the show us.
Now it’s time for the scene you’ve all been waiting for. The “Phil cleans off the table” scene. Oh, it’s going to be so good! Action. Suspense. Drama. Comedy. This is will have it all.
So Phil heads to the table and…oh no! A distracting meow! Stay on target, Phil! The table! The table! Yes, good. Spray it a bit. That’s how you clean a table. Get in there! What is that, lemon scent? Nice choice. A real clean smell.
No! Don’t go over to the cat! Table, Phil! Table! How is it going to get clean? You don’t want to embarrass your son in front of whats-her-name, do you? Tina or something. I don’t remember. He only said her name twice and it was in scenes where she wasn’t present. It’s probably not important.
Dammit! Phil quit cleaning. Duffy, the talking cat, ruined everything. Sorry, everyone. The table is a lost cause. We’ll have to travel to where this scene takes us.
Phil starts talking to a talking cat, and I know what you’re thinking. “Well, it’s a talking cat. It’s going to talk back.” WRONG! Obviously YOU aren’t the writer of Death Racers starring the Insane Clown Posse. Or, maybe you are. Hello if you’re reading this, Andrew Helm. Sorry for all the sentence fragments. I’m writing on a blog.
Anywho, Duffy isn’t about to start talking because…we don’t know yet. Sure, we hear Duffy’s inner monologue. And, sure, he’s responding to Phil’s conversation with his inner monologue. But Phil can’t hear him.
Duffy silently argues with Phil over the proper pronunciation of “Duffy,” each of them saying it correctly each time. Even if Phil could hear Duffy, it would be a pointless argument because there is nothing to argue about because they’re both saying it correctly.
I have a feeling that most of the cat’s inner monologue was improvised. And improvised poorly. They stuck Eric Roberts in a booth with a monitor, microphone, and nerve toxin and told him to comment on things as if he were the cat. “Who told you to stop scratching?” “I should probably follow him (cat doesn’t move), but…there’s nothing better than a cat nap.”
Oh, by the way. Fun fact. Duffy doesn’t remember his first owner. Because he is a cat, and he will eat your face after you die. That’s how much owners mean to cats.
And now, the scene is over. With no new information gained, no table cleaned, and no talking cat. A Talking Cat!?!, ladies and gentlemen.